The following is a compilation of a series of social media posts I wrote the year Hannah was born, as a way to celebrate National Adoption Awareness Month and bring honor to everyone involved in helping us bring home our daughter, Hannah Frances. Mostly, it was my best attempt to give God glory in all the pieces of Hannah's life, even before she was here. I still enjoy reading this special recap and I hope it brings you joy and encouragement too.
A is for {Allllllll the Questions}. Because even though we knew we wanted to adopt for years, AND had dreams about our daughter, AND had the name Hannah picked out, AND owned the hot pink tutu for years (keep reading the rest of the ABCs for those stories), we still had alllllllll the questions in our minds before we decided to take the first steps to adopt. “Would we be able to truly love a child even if I didn’t give birth to her?” “Would our boys see her as their real sister?” “How do we navigate a relationship with her birth parents?” “How will we pay for this?” “What if all those scary birth mom stories are true?” And one of my biggest questions was, “Did God only give me boys because I’m not equipped to raise a daughter?” (Some days I still wonder this!) 🤣
But here’s the truth we stood on then (and still stand on today)… God is bigger than all of it. He’s greater than our inadequacies, our failures, and our unanswered questions. He only requires that we take one step, and then another. We knew we had peace (& tons of excitement!) about adopting our daughter. So despite all of our overwhelming questions, we simply trusted. And as you have seen, He has proven himself trustworthy once again. We still don’t have all the answers but we are okay with that. We’ve actually learned to like it better that way! Because we know the One who loves our #HannahFrances even more than we ever can. And He’s a good, good Father.
B is for {Beautiful Mess} … because well, life is messy and adoption can be too. Just when you think you have a situation figured out, you are humbled and thrown back into the learning phase again. And we haven’t even entered into the phase of explaining to Hannah her story yet (or having her ask us hard questions), so I know we will have more messy, but beautiful, moments further down our journey. But as messy as it may get, it’s so so beautiful.
C is for {Chosen}. I pray that #HannahFrances always knows she was {Chosen} and I promise to remind her as often as she needs to hear it… She will know that her brave and selfless birth parents chose to give her life – even in a world that tries to make it easier to make the alternative choice. That we chose her to be our daughter long before we knew her. And most importantly, that God chose her and planned her life since well, forever.
D is for {Daughter in our Dreams} … Have you ever dreamed about something so powerful that you never forgot it, or how it made you feel? Well for many years Andy and I BOTH dreamed about a little girl named Hannah. She was our daughter and – ready for this? – she looked the same in both of our dreams! So when the call to adopt was undeniable, we prayerfully decided to be gender specific and to go find our daughter whom we knew that God had showed us many years before. This picture was taken after the extremely emotional moment at the hospital when Hannah’s birth parents placed her in our arms. It was an intense and crazy moment full overwhelming joy and gratitude mixed up with immense heartache and grief. But in this moment, as we looked at her face and held her in our arms, we knew we had found the Daughter from our Dreams.
E is for {Extended family}. Because when you adopt a child, you don’t just add one new member to your family tree. One of the most amazing thin threads woven together through our adoption journey was meeting this rock solid momma. We call each other sisters-from-another-mother because we have daughters from the same birth mother. She was right there when we needed her most and I’m forever grateful for this beautiful addition to our family.
F is for {Friends & Family} because we most definitely could not have endured (and enjoyed!) our adoption journey without SOOOOO many of you standing prayerfully and encouragingly by our sides every.step.of.the.way. There are too many of you to name here but you know who you are – and Hannah will always know each of your names too (trust me, I made a list for her baby book). We learned that adoption is about so much more than just the baby and the immediate families involved… God’s reach and His perspective is so much greater and the ripple effects of our story are just beginning. We stand humbly in awe and truly Thank You for helping us in #OperationBringHomeHannah.
G is for {Generous Gifts} … I’ve contemplated sharing this story from our journey because I really want to be sure that I don’t overshadow the deep gratitude we have for every single financial gift we received. Every dollar given was beyond appreciated and we cannot say Thank You enough.
But I really want to highlight two situations that forever changed our trust in God’s faithful provision. And I know many friends have said that the financial mountain of adopting is what keeps them from moving forward – like it did for us for a while. So I hope this can be encouraging. • • • • • • •
At their requests, I will keep their names anonymous. But picture this… We’ve just been matched with Hannah and 50% of our grand total is due in 72 hours to the agency. Now, I must back up and explain that while we had planned to become more than prepared financially before we began presenting our profile, Andy felt very strongly that it was time to apply to our agencies. So we did. And we got matched just a few weeks later. So we sat in our living room brainstorming all of the ways we could pull together what we needed. It was after 10pm and we got a call. The person on the other end simply said, “I have the money you need and I just want you to bring home Hannah.” And y’all, they had the exact amount we needed! We just stared at each other and then cried. It was an awesome, joyful, humbling moment that makes me cry just thinking about.
And then, fast forward a couple of months when our final bill was due. We had been fundraising and working hard in our businesses and paying all the monthly invoices along the way. But a month before her due date, we were still a good five figures away from our final amount. It was due on Friday and the day was Tuesday. Well, a friend casually asked how the process was going and specifically about our fundraising. Andy answered honestly and the friend wrote a check on the spot for exactly what we needed.
There are no words to explain what these gifts mean to us. We saw first-hand that what God originates, God will orchestrate.
H is for {Hannah} … Because I had no idea how significant her name would be to my mama heart in those first hours and days of her life. We understood and respected that her birth parents would have their one on one time with her immediately after she was born. It was their time and we were completely at peace and in agreement with that. But after they signed the papers, there were many hours that followed that the nurses didn’t refer to her as Hannah nor did they refer to us as Mom and Dad. In fact, my hospital badge simply said Visitor. And while the hospital staff certainly didn’t mean to be hurtful or insensitive it did something to my very vulnerable heart that I never expected. So when the first nurse called her “Hannah” and agreed to make this name card for her bassinet (after another adoptive mom’s suggestion) I was beyond overjoyed. It probably seemed like an insignificant -and maybe even silly- gesture but to this mama bear it made all the difference.
I is for {Italian Food} … After we got matched and had agreed on an open adoption (more on that later), we planned a day to meet Hannah’s expectant parents. The four of us agreed on a date and they picked their favorite Italian restaurant for our inaugural get together. Andy and I drove to Florida, talked about what we wanted to talk about, and were extremely nervous. Turns out, they were too. We awkwardly hugged when they arrived, talked a bit and ate some mediocre calamari and pizza. I honestly don’t remember what the food tasted like, but I can promise you that I think of them every time we eat calamari (which is pretty often actually, since Italian is also our favorite.) And I will always remember our hug as we were leaving, as it was way less awkward. “A” made a reference to herself as “just the baby mama,” and I was able to look her in the eyes and tell her that she was so much more than that. I think she knew I meant it. One of our biggest prayers is that they would know that we love and respect them, and don’t just see them as a means to an end.
J is for {Journey} … I think it goes without saying that every adoption journey is different. The good and the hard, the joy and the sorrow, the pretty and the raw. It’s all unique to each family and child. I absolutely LOVE hearing about other families’ experiences and I (obviously) love and am humbled to share some of ours with many of you as well. Like all great journeys, you are never the same person at the end of it as you were at the beginning. That is most definitely true for us. All of our expectations and stereotypes have been thrown out the window. We have been stretched in every way possible and forced to question everything we believe in. And yet, our journey has been – sometimes in hindsight – everything we hoped and prayed for. I believe God doesn’t give you what you want, but what you need. And we apparently needed to learn a few things… And still are today. Not a day goes by that we don’t pause and thank our Lord that He trusted us with this precious baby girl’s life. And also like all great journeys, they never really end. We know that bringing Hannah home wasn’t the end and in fact, was truly just the start.
K is for {Katie} … Because it’s so true that you don’t know what you don’t know. We were so grateful to have Katie, our consultant from @christianadoptionconsultants and pictured here with her precious family, always just a phone call away to give us advice, encouragement and probably most importantly, perspective, along our journey. Not to mention all of the tangible assistance and resources she provided. From my very first conversation with Katie (before we had even fully decided to move forward with an adoption), we knew God has placed her strategically in our life. And all along our journey, she offered to pray with and for us, she shared insight into her own personal adoption story, and she kept our eyes on God’s plan for our family. She also invited us into a support group of other adoptive families that has been absolutely priceless. Thank you Katie for being such a vital part of our adoption story and #operationbringhomeHannah.
L is for {Love} … Because we wondered early on, Would we really be able to love this child as much as our boys? Would that be fair to her, to us, and to our boys, if we couldn’t? What if she didn’t love us? I’m here to encourage any of you who have considered adopting but maybe have the same questions about this as we did. I can honestly say, 100% without a doubt, that this daughter of ours is loved with the same fierce love that we have for our boys. And it came immediately and automatically. For both Andy and I. I was honored to be in the hospital room when she was delivered, and while it was a different scenario (obviously) than when I birthed my boys, all the same mama-bear emotions were there from the moment she was born. We explain it to our boys like this – God plans families in many ways… Some babies are born in a mommy’s tummy and some babies are born in our hearts. They get it. And the love between them and their sister is something amazing. Oh #hannahfrances you are so loved!
M is for {Music} … Because there were many days of uncertainty and also many days of joy – and everything in-between – and I always found comfort, peace and reminders to keep my eyes focused upwards when I listened to music. When nothing seemed predictable or controllable, this playlist brought this recovering control freak some much-needed consistent comfort. For many of them, their words were like promises and became my anthem. And I absolutely love it when, still today, my boys will ask to have a dance party to some of these songs that have become their favorites too.
N is for {No} … Because perhaps the only thing worse than hearing No is being the one to say it. To understand what I mean, let me explain our process to getting matched with an expectant mom and her baby… Once we were home study approved by our social worker, we created a 20ish-paged magazine-type profile booklet all about our family. This was sent to multiple adoption agencies that we had prayerfully selected in Florida, along with each agency’s application which included our list of preferences in our child (see my ‘Daughter from our Dreams’ post for more on that). When the agency had an expectant mom whose situation matched our preferences, we’d get an email from our consultant. Then we would decide if we wanted to present our profile book to that expectant mom. If we did and they liked us, it was a match! Andy and I knew that whomever we said “Yes” to, we wanted to be all in and truly devastated if they didn’t pick us. So each time we got an email, we decided we would take a day and pray separately about the momma, baby & situation, and trust we’d both have the same answer. One time, we said Yes but the mother said No. And two times, we said No. Y’all, those were tough days. I mean, heart-wrenching make-you-question-everything-you’ve-ever-believed days. Although we were at peace with our decision, we still questioned, “if not us than who?” I still think about and pray for those babies today, maybe I always will. If you are in the midst of your season of No’s, take heart and trust. God has you right where He wants you and His plan is perfect.
O is for {Open Adoption} … Because fear has no place in adoption, only love. I’ll be honest, when we started our journey we were not comfortable with the idea of an open relationship with Hannah’s birth parents – like, at all. We were uneducated and really just ignorant to what an open adoption really looked like and had only heard the “scary birth mom” rumors. But after choosing to at least be open to well, being Open, we begin to really seek God’s guidance in this area. The more we read and talked with other adoptive families about it the more we saw God’s heart and his desire to weave together families and build connections out of potentially broken situations. And we remembered that this child is ultimately God’s – not ours – and He is certainly more protective of her than we could ever be. So we began to fall in love with the idea of embracing another mother and truly showing her compassion and acceptance and love. And not only that, but being able to demonstrate this to our boys and Hannah as well. This picture is a painting I made for Hannah’s birthmama… I remember crying as I made it for her because I knew how far we had come in really caring about her and truly trusting God in our relationship. She said it’s hanging in her living room and she reads it everyday. That makes my heart smile. ❤️ We are in no way experts regarding Open Adoption and in fact, are treading on very unfamiliar territory, just taking it one day at a time. As the weeks, months and years go by I’m sure our relationship with Hannah’s birth parents will ebb and flow but one thing is for sure… She will know them and will always be able & encouraged to reach out to them. If you are considering open adoption, or just interested in more perspective about it, I’d love to talk more with you. Let’s connect!
P is for {Peanut Butter & Jelly Sandwiches} … Let me set the scene: We had already gotten to FL a couple days prior because A was having some contractions and we wanted to be as close as possible for when she went into labor. So our party of five was hunkering down at my parents’ house, just waiting for the official call. On the morning of June 8 at 2:15AM we got THE call from D (birth dad) that they were at the hospital and A was a 7! We were so delirious and half-asleep but adrenaline kicked in and helped us get dressed, brush our teeth, gather our stuff and get out the door. Thankfully, my parents woke up too and my Mom hand-made these amazing PB&Js during our mad dash out the door. They were the perfect fuel to get us to the hospital still two hours away. (So perfect in fact, that we took a picture of them to remember this detail of Hannah’s birthday.) And we made it just in time! As we pulled up to the hospital we called our woman from the agency who was already there and A was at a 10 and ready to push! They still wanted me in the room to share the amazing and {extremely emotional} moment of watching Hannah’s birth. I was so honored and beyond blessed. Truly a miracle!
Q is for {Quilt} … One of my most favorite gifts we received for Hannah was this Prayer Quilt, made by a group of women at my mom’s church. Ladies who have never met us, who spent countless hours sewing every square and praying endless prayers over our daughter before she was even born. I can’t tell you how much that means to us as parents, and I know it will mean even more to Hannah as she grows up and learns about her story. This blanket also makes me think of EVERYONE who has stood with us all along our journey and fervently prayed for every bit of her life. And here is our answered prayer playing, babbling and rolling all over her precious prayer quilt. What a testimony of His faithfulness!
R is for {Room} … Planning and creating our children’s bedrooms is one of my most favorite things to do when expecting (just ask Andy!) 😳 And while I loved every detail I made or found for my boys’ rooms, I’d be lying if I said Hannah’s room wasn’t my favorite. Every piece was hand-picked (most from my favorite local antique shops) or custom-made by dear friends… From her antique dresser & armoire set, the pink tutu bedding, the wrought iron chandelier and the ‘girl in the pink tutu’ painting, and everything in between. I remember walking into her room and just imagining HER in this precious vintage princess room. And I’ll always remember the first night we were finally home and I snuggled with her in her rocking chair. It was perfection. 🎀 If you are in the waiting and preparing phase for your baby, just trust that your moment is coming and it will be oh so sweet.
S is for {Sister} … It could also be {Brothers} but alas, the next letter is S. This is the photo my parents took just minutes before we came home from the hospital with Hannah. To say these boys love their baby sister is a huuuuge understatement. When she babbles, they attempt to have full conversations with her. When she rolls over, they cheer for her. When she fusses, they run to her aid. They talk about all the (awesome) things they can’t wait to teach her and play with her. When Gavin’s teachers asked what he was thankful for, he told them Hannah. I think it goes without saying that God planned our family just perfectly, but watching the four of them everyday makes me one very humbled and grateful momma. And the icing on the cake – when Hannah’s birth parents chose us, they said it was because they knew they wanted her to have three older brothers.
T is for {The Tutu} … Many of you may have read about the hot pink tutu that became a bit of a centerpiece for our journey #operationbringhomehannah. It was a tangible reminder of our promise for a daughter. Well, just hours after Hannah was born – when emotions were CrAzY, paperwork was swirling, intentions were questionable – we checked into our room where we’d be waiting out Hannah’s brief hospital stay. And THIS painting was hanging in our room. I think I may have laughed out loud. Like, a giddy, everything-is-going-to-be-just-fine laugh. I don’t know about you, but I look for what I call God Kisses all the time. Just little moments, words, or things that bring undeniable peace to my heart. This was one of those. I knew everything was going to be okay (and it was)!
U is for {Ultrasound} … I had figured that the designated ultrasound photo spot in Hannah’s baby book would be empty. And while the sentimental photo junkie in me was super bummed about it, I knew it may just be something personal and intimate that Hannah’s birthmom would want to keep for herself. So when she texted me this photo one day out of the blue, it absolutely meant so much to me. I stared at all the details of it like I did with each of my boy’s ultrasounds… Trying to imagine what they’d look like and all of their tiny features. Sweet Hannah, “May you always know that God knit you together in your mama’s womb, and then so perfectly wove you into our hearts.”
V is for {Very} … Because everything on this journey is anything but lukewarm or mediocre. It’s Very humbling. It’s Very heartbreaking. It’s Very joyful. It’s Very exhausting. It’s Very exciting. It’s just all.the.feels. I’ve done my best to put into words just all the emotions and heartstrings this journey of finding and bringing home Hannah has brought out, but there just aren’t enough words – although I keep trying and probably always will.
W is for {Worth the Wait}. Because well, it’s ALWAYS Worth the Wait. People often ask me how long it took to find Hannah. Let me just say that no two adoption journeys are the same (best I can tell) and none seem to follow the same time table. But the major timestamps on our journey went something like this – We started our homestudy on September 1 last year. A month later we were homestudy approved. Four months later we got matched with Hannah and then she was born on June 8. Three weeks later we brought her home and the adoption was finalized on October 27. Thirteen months total. It wasn’t always easy for this recovering control freak (have I mentioned that before?) 😳 to be patient, to trust in all of the unknowns, to stay optimistic amidst so much uncertainty… But we know we are so hugely blessed. Learning to surrender control of every detail was quite possibly one of the biggest victories for me in this journey. God’s plans are always bigger than we can see and just perfect. And bringing home our baby girl, holding her tight, and knowing that the first time she says “mommy” she will be looking at me… That, my friends, is worth the wait.
X is for {Sign on the X________} … Because we signed A LOT of paperwork. Just to get started with the process, we had to sign that we understood that anywhere along this process, we could lose everything – the baby, the money – and there was nothing we could do about it. I remember one night we were signing a stack of papers for our agency after we had been matched, and Andy and I said, “I don’t know how people could ever do this without a rock solid faith that God already has everything worked out.” That was it. That was what helped our hands script our signatures across so many lines. To take each next step. So much at risk. Yet so, SO much more to gain.
Y is for {Yes!} The day we found out we were matched with Hannah is definitely a #bestdayever for sure! We had been waiting to hear back from the agency in Florida for over two weeks about whether or not this expectant couple had picked us (they can take as long as they want, of course). Andy and I were at a parent/teacher conference for Owen when my phone buzzed. I couldn’t pick it up so when we got into the car afterwards, Andy says, “Hey you should check your phone – it could be the agency.” Sure enough – it was their area code and the woman had left a voicemail saying she wouldn’t be available to call back for two more hours. And nothing else! I immediately called Katie, our CAC consultant, and she said it could be good news but hard to say. Since there was nothing we could do but wait for two.more.hours I went to the gym to run off some nervous energy and Andy went to our shop. About 20 minutes later I got a call back. The woman on the other end says, “Well I have good news – D & A picked you! They actually knew they loved you from the first time they saw your pictures!” I ran out of the gym and hurried to meet Andy at the shop. We hugged and cried (and hugged and cried some more) and realized we had found our Hannah.
Z is for {A Zillion} … As in, there are a Zillion reasons why we know – without a doubt – that Hannah is our daughter and that her life was planned from before time began. She’s absolutely the perfect caboose for our family of six. And also, there may be a Zillion reasons why you feel like you should adopt too. But you may have a Zillion questions, concerns and ideas that are holding you back. I’d LOVE to talk with you more about it as it’s become one of my favorite topics of conversation (probably not surprising). I hope these past 26 posts about #ouradoptionstory has been encouraging and possibly even made you realize that you can do it too. We serve a mighty God and His love for His children is ah-mazing. If you feel that tiny heartstring pulling just think, what if? What if I changed a child’s life? And better yet, what if that child changed mine?
